Come to Doctor Vic!
Come to Doctor Vic!
Unlike other doctors…Dr. Vic will NEVER pester you with unneeded surgery!
You know the drill: You go to the doctor complaining of a cough, and the next thing you know, he has persuaded you to get your gallbladder removed. The surgery is costly, painful, and time-consuming. And for what? Mostly, so the doctor can go home to his wife and brag about performing surgery. Dr. Vic pledges never to perform unnecessary surgery.
Unlike other doctors…Dr. Vic doesn’t specialize!
One doctor can only deal with athlete’s foot, another with brain surgery, another with scream therapy. It’s maddening! Because Dr. Vic was trained on a tiny island nation that historically only allows for a single medical doctor, he can do it all! Dr. Vic promises never to send you to annoying specialists, no matter what your ailment.
Unlike other doctors…Dr. Vic will NEVER criticize the way you look!
Who isn’t tired of going for a routine doctor’s visit and getting an earful about how ugly they are? “I didn’t realize you were so short,” an orthodontist will say as a patient disrobes. “Have you ever thought about getting a facial transplant?” a podiatrist will ask a homely woman. “After all, you are getting up there in years.” Dr. Vic will never comment on how ugly you are—it’s a promise!
Unlike other doctors…Dr. Vic refrains from pitching personal projects!
How many times have you gone to the doctor only to find yourself sitting on his examining table, awkwardly clapping along as he rocks out on his electric guitar? And who isn’t sick of getting talked into buying tacky home-knit scarves or attending costly improv nights while being prepped for surgery? Dr. Vic will never overwhelm patients with pitches or solicitations.
Unlike other doctors…Dr. Vic never dresses up in funny costumes!
It’s an all-too-familiar scenario: It’s four and a half months before Halloween and, to get into the spirit of things, your neurosurgeon puts on his “sexy nurse” costume to examine you. And then, just as he begins taking your blood pressure, an internist leaps into the room, dressed as the Wolfman. Dr. Vic will never surprise you with a crazy costume—EVEN ON HALLOWEEN.
But don’t take it from us! Here’s what Dr. Vic’s patients have to say:
Edward Z: I love how Dr. Vic never opens his waiting room to marauding troupes of gypsies and grifters, conning patients out of money as we read tattered copies of Newsweek and Penthouse.
Lydia S: I’ve been a patient of Dr. Vic for many years, and I can honestly say that not once has he asked me out on a date or strong-armed me into taking his kids to the zoo. It’s so refreshing.
Tom A: My last doctor wouldn’t shut up about death and the ghoulish afterworld—she was always yapping about how a patient “croaked” in the examining room and was haunting the clinic as an evil spirit. You can imagine my relief when I switched to Dr. Vic, who doesn’t even believe in death!