Internal Monologues of Distraught Floor Brokers

The stock market’s recent roller coaster ride features trade war concerns, uneasiness about a White House vendetta against Amazon, and, yes, irresistible new snapshots of floor brokers looking super stressed out. A look inside the worried minds of those on the ground may yet shed some light on the chaos.


“When you’re in an argument about which Subway ‘Sub of the Day’ is best, I’m sorry, Sunday shouldn’t count. Nobody goes to Subway on Sunday.”


“This dude is bigger than I initially thought, so I’m gonna try to switch this hand gesture from a ‘back off buddy’ to a high-five as quickly as possible. ”

“Terry Gross, you’ve done it again.”


“It’s like the guys aren’t listening when I say that money is an illusion, life is transitory and we all die alone. Maybe it’s because they all think I’m smoking weed out here.”


“Totally doing that thing right now where I look all frazzled at work so nobody bothers me. It’s been a good day, actually.”


“I see that photographer over there, off to my left. I bet if I put my head on my desk, there’s a solid chance I’ll land on the cover of a newspaper.”


“If abundant serenity doesn’t kick in here soon, I may have to rethink accepting death in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition.”


“I lost a lot of people’s money today. It’s all I can think about.”


“Where does everybody else gets these weird jackets that we have to wear? This is the only one I own and there’s noticeable fraying. It’s not like they just sell them at Banana Republic or something. I checked.”


“That day they came here to film part of that Batman movie was cool.”


“Seriously, Antoni doesn’t seem to know his way around a kitchen at all.”


“I’ve been saying for years that there are way too many wavy lines on this screen.”


“I’m somewhat concerned with how well my plan to bring the whole system down from the inside is going.”


“I can’t believe it took me this long to watch the entire 1987 Fiesta Bowl at work.”


“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.”


“I bet Fred is outside smoking a joint.”