The Tidy Person’s Tips on Tidying

Family photo albums
Hold these photographs to your chest and ask yourself: Does keeping every picture bring unconditional joy? Do you examine the photos daily, or merely weekly? Are you a professional photographer or simply a hobbyist? Do you know where your rubbish bin is located and, if so, why are you still waiting to place this mawkish debris inside it?

A silver pendant gifted to you by a beloved aunt as she was murmuring her final words, which were, “Cherish this precious heirloom as generation after generation of your ancestors have before you.”
Don’t repeat the mistakes of your forebears. Donate the pendant to your trash can, thus making room for more important things, such as an empty shelf.

The ashes of the aforementioned beloved aunt
These are remains: the very definition of garbage. Take a photograph of the ashes and dispose of them. Let three minutes pass, then delete the photograph.

Do you wish to pursue an uncluttered life, or are you defined and weighed down by your possessions? What will you hold onto next? Old newspapers? Coffee grinds? Your house’s walls and doors?

Bob, your husband
All around the world, people live without romantic partners. They find no end of joy, self fulfillment, and empty closet space. Just remember to commit the legal details of your divorce certificate to memory before burning it.

Your kidney
You have two and need one. Don’t fall prey to cheap sentimentality.

Your soul
Is there a God? It is hard to know definitively, seeing as you have already discarded all of your religious and philosophical texts. He most likely does not exist—the universe has no room for such frivolity. But if there is a divine power, He clearly doesn’t want your garbage. Does God make junk? Check your sock drawer.